Mom, don’t read this. NSFW!
I love waking up to funny late night texts from friends. A lot of the time they’re incoherently hilarious and sometimes (judging by the timestamp) you can tell exactly what was happening. Or, in this case, what was trying to happen. Yesterday morning I woke up to this:
“How do you sext?” the text read. It was from my younger friend, Natalie.
“Well,” I thought to myself, “its pretty self-explanatory. You text someone sexually charged text messages. Hence the term ‘sexting.’”
Then I saw the second text, “I want to tell Evan to teach me how to talk dirty.”
Oh boy. Oh boy. Evan is Natalie’s very newly acquired boyfriend. Learning to sext from the person you’re planning to sext could be advantageous or it could be just plain awkward if you’ve never sent a sext before. I was leaning toward awkward.
“I’m going to blog about these questions,” I texted back.
Natalie this one’s for you (and Evan.)
For you newbies out there, sexting as a term is a portmanteau word made from the words ‘sex’ and ‘texting’. No real mental leap required there. Sexting is, however, not limited to just text messages and may also include photographs. These messages are exchanged via cell phone. Messages of a sexual nature have been exchanged for as long as mankind has been cognizant of sex. For example, the Porne (pronounced: por-nay) of ancient Greece engraved the words “follow me” into the soles of their sandals so that each step left a seductive trail for their suitors to pursue. With each step, the suitor’s anticipation grew. With each text in this case, a more modern seductive step is laid to something perhaps a bit more involved than just words.
The question is, “How do you sext?” Like the love letter, I personally believe that sexting should be approached with a particular finesse. You are, after all, sending naughty things to someone else, shouldn’t they be delightfully naughty? That being said there’s a difference between delightfully naughty and nastily raunchy. Though I am sure there are some people who would prefer the latter I will leave that to a different blog.
After careful reflection, a bit of research and a reread or two of The Guide to Getting It On (thank you, Rach!) I’ve decided there are four key things to keep in mind when you are sexting:
1. Don’t be naïve. Not every one is as nice or as good as you’d like them to be. Keep this in mind especially if you choose to send a photograph of yourself that could put you in a more compromising position that the one you put yourself in originally to take the photo. I highly recommend staying far, far away from explicit nudity.
2. Know your limits. Every one (and I mean every one) fantasizes about sex. Just like you are an individual each fantasy is unique to its creator. Don’t be judgmental about what someone finds sexy and learn to strike a balance between what you’re comfortable saying and what they want to hear. Also, don’t lunge in for a kinky sexting session when the last thing your partner texted you was, “I think you’re cute.” “I think you’re cute,” followed by, “I want to tie you up and lick strawberry jam off your ass” don’t really connect do they?
3. Be creative! Words have power and words of passion are even more powerful. For example the word “sad” is a synonym of “gloomy” and “crestfallen” but “sad” has slightly less color attached to it than the other two. When you’re sexting its best to leave boring words at the door. “Vagina” is not as fun or effective as “pussy.”
4. Have fun! Try to leave your inhibitions at the door. Sex is fun. Texting is fun. Therefore, sexting is fun! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but think with your other head. Think about what you’d like to read and it should give you a good idea of what to send someone else.